Not MY Salvation

12/31/2009 at 2:52 pm | Posted in But I Digress... 2.0 | 1 Comment

Congratulations, Salvation Army, you’ve brought me out of retirement.  Here I am, minding my own business.  I’ve long since retired my discussions where I talk about the annoyances of life, and here you are requiring me to go back to work.  So here I am.  Ready to throw down some more nuggets of sanity.

So let’s get to this.  Let’s talk about what has resurrected “But I Digress…” into the present day:  The Salvation freaking Army. 

Yeah, you read me right. 

Listen, 10 out of the 12 months each year, I got no beef with these guys.  But then November rolls around and out come the bell ringers.

Nothing annoys me more this time a year than walking into/out of a store and having these people standing RIGHT by the door.  And before I get comments about how much of a doosh – This is how I spell it.  Get used to it – I am for ripping on people I don’t even know, let’s get something clear:

I don’t hate the actual bell ringers.  I don’t know their lives, or why they are out there.  I can respect their dedication to freeze their asses off and stand for hours working for a cause they (I would assume) believe in. 

My problem is with the concept & execution of the bell ringing.  Who thought this:

“Hey, the best way to make money for our charity is to combine panhandling & high pitched, non-stop ringing in front of stores.  Genius!!”

No seriously, give me a name.  I want to have words with that person.

First off, begging for change with a bell is no different than when a homeless person asks for it.  Outside of my theater there’s a lady who has NO problem yelling at people across the street, or going into businesses, asking people for money.  Not only does it rarely work, but it becomes a nuisance really quickly.

It’s the same with the bell ringing.  Since they are RIGHT outside the door, you can’t avoid them.  They know you have money.  Hell, you are at a store; they know you aren’t there to power-walk.  It’s passive aggressive behavior on their part, where they try and make you feel bad for not giving.  So either you feel guilty and give change, or you just avoid eye contact.  I don’t respond well to passive aggressive.  I’ve suffered through many years of guilt-giving women in the past, and I won’t deal with it again.

Secondly, high pitched ringing?  Really?!  How annoying is that?  They’d do better having Fran Drescher singing for money.  How in the world are those bell ringers not dying a little more inside every hour they have to listen to that horrible sound they are forced to make?

Let me make something perfectly clear:  I will never put money in those buckets. 

It has nothing to do with me not being a giving person.  Through the years and many habitat changes, I’ve donated well over a thousand dollars worth of goods to Goodwill; I’ve walked miles for CROP; I’ve helped raise funds for the Heifer Project; I’ve given money to many cheerleader car washes.  Ok, I can’t back that last one up, but the movies always made it look good.  Anyways, I’ve bought homeless people food; worked in soup kitchens; etc.  So it has NOTHING to do with me being a cold-hearted person (I AM cold-hearted, just not when it comes to stuff like that).

It comes down to the fact that a not-for-profit is using bully/passive aggressive/guilt tactics to make money.  No one should have to put up with that crap, whether it’s from a significant other, boss, religion, or charity.

Hey, Salvation Army, instead of those four cents you were trying to guilt me to give, how about I instead donate a bag of lightly worn clothes to your cause.  Guaranteed that will be much more useful to the people you help, and you won’t piss me off in the process.  So back the f**k off.

But I digress…


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  1. […] We also learned that the holiday season doesn’t always bring joy with this common annoyance […]

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