Wal-Mart Greeters are Dooshes

01/22/2010 at 1:39 pm | Posted in But I Digress... 2.0 | 1 Comment
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Classic But I Digress… post

Originally released:  February 5th, 2006

Edited and re-released:  January 22nd, 2010

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Let me ask you something:

If you have a job, you have to do that job, right? 

For example, if you are a custodian, you have to clean the building; not just decide that you will only wipe the windows.  And if you were a landscaper, you know that your job is more than digging.  You can’t just spend your day chucking firecrackers down gopher holes.

So why in the fart is it ok for Wal-Mart greeters to choose who they say hi to?  I cannot count how many times I’ve gone into Wal-Mart and the old greeter women just ignored me.  Hell, at one point, the old woman saw me come in, turned around, and walked away!  What is that about?! 

Listen, lady, so I’m not 40 years old.  I’m not pushing screaming kids in a shopping cart.  But you know what?  Say hello anyways.  I’m not the punk kid who blares his music past your house, or who keeps hitting his baseball into your yard; but if you don’t say hello, I’ll switch your Preparation H with Ben Gay.

Your job (believe it or not) is to -and here’s where the mind-blowing part comes in- GREET people who walk in.  It’s in your f*cking job title!  That’s right; when you see or hear a new person come in, you vocalize a type of greeting.  So unless you are Helen Keller, your job is the EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD!

You can’t be so selective at a job.  If I was a teacher, I wouldn’t help the smarter kids and fling pencils at the slower ones.  If I was a marine biologist, I wouldn’t sucker-punch dolphins.  So guess what, you old bag, greet EVERYBODY!

For those of you out there who have had the same experience, I say let’s rise up!  If you walk in, and a greeter ignores you, walk right up and shake their hand.  Better yet, hug them.  As you hold them, cup the back of their head and whisper softly, “Shhhhh.  You don’t have to say a word.  I can feel what you are thinking, and you gotta know I feel the same.”  Or:  “I’ll meet you behind the produce.”  Maybe then they will decide that simply waving a hello isn’t pushing them out of their comfort zone.

But I digress…

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  1. […] finally, we learned that not all Wal-Mart greeters are created equal Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Has anyone seen the matching […]


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