Stupid Signs

02/02/2010 at 6:25 pm | Posted in But I Digress... 2.0 | 1 Comment
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Classic But I Digress… post

Originally released:  August 18th, 2006

Edited and re-released:  February 2nd, 2010

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Ok, there are waaaay too many stupid signs or phrases out there, so I’m going to have to call them out from now on.  I tried to be nice and just let it go – but it’s gotten to be too much!

Awhile ago, I saw a bumper sticker on a truck that said, “I Brake for Trains.”  Well, dude, so do I.  So do MOST people who try to avoid being hit by a freaking billion ton train!  I don’t know many people who see a train coming, then say, “Bring it on, biotch.”  Why in the sh*tmuffins would you have this on your car?!  I mean, I’m sure his insurance company is happy to hear that – but other drivers?  Hey buddy, you know what’s a better way to make me know you brake for trains without sounding like a renob?  You reach the tracks and stop for the train to go by, your brakes will go off, and I’ll think, “Hmm.  He is braking for that train.  That’s Good.”  See?  How hard is that?

Now on to Exhibit B

Years ago, when I lived in Columbia City during July 4th, there was a huge banner that read: “FIREWROKS“. 

Not fireworks.  FireWROKS. 

Ok, I REALLY can’t figure out what’s worse – the sign company not noticing the painfully obvious typo, or the store putting it up anyways.  I was tempted to go into said store and ask how much their firewroks were.  I kind of regret not doing that now.  I don’t even know what a firewrok is!  Speaking of banners…

Outside of an eyeglass store, there is a banner that reads: “BUY 1, GET 1.”  My first thought was, “Well…no sh*t.”  I know I’m no mathmagician, but isn’t it common sense that when you buy one thing, you GET one thing?  They spent a lot of money to create something that everybody knows anyway.  I just feel sorry for the poor bastards that go in there thinking they will get something for free if they buy one first; because that’s not what the sign says will happen. 

Finally…

I absolutely cringe when I see the sign in a restaurant bathroom that reads something like:

EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK.” 

Now I know that is there to make customers feel better, knowing that there isn’t fecal matter on food; but for me it does the opposite.  I don’t want to eat at a place where they force their employees to wash their hands after “taking a Kirk Cameron” (as I call it).  Makes me wonder what happens in the kitchen if employees always have to be reminded to be clean.  I want to eat at a place where the employees wash because they know it’s the right thing to do. 

Here are some examples of bathroom signs that would get the point across without sounding ominous:

OUR EMPLOYEES WASH AFTER DROPPING ANCHOR, AND YOU SHOULD TOO.

or

WASH UP.  ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT.

or

DROPPED ONE IN THE PAN?  REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR HAN….DS

Ok, so that last one was rough, but you get my point.  Anyways, so those are some signs that are just plain dumb.  I’m sure there will be more in the future.

But I digress 

(Have you seen any signs that you thought were incredibly stupid?  Email them to me)

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  1. […] discussed some really stupid signs being used by individuals & […]


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